Almost three months after pursuing a major career change, andrea and I are now questioning whether our decision to leave our previous life behind is a step forward or a step back.

For starters, without a regular source of income, we depend entirely and gregariously on what we get from our freelance writing job. (not exactly comparable to earning a bullion but the only thing we’ve got at the moment) Every time I think about getting a part-time work somewhere else, I can’t help but think twice about andrea and the two kids. Andrea doesn’t have anyone else in the house to help with the chores if I take on a regular job, nor does she get enough sleep with anika’s erratic sleeping habits.

Second, although we appreciate not paying rent, we have very little choice on what happens inside the house (especially now that andrea’s dad is back from working abroad). Oh how I miss the air-con in our previous place, and the freedom of not having to take care of anyone else but ourselves.

Third, mateo might be getting used to doing homeworks, taking tests, and even doing other things that are done in conventional schools, but I think he is regressing in terms of discipline. The artless strict disciplining methods that his teachers employ seem to be inadequate when it comes to nurturing our little kuya’s talents. His quizzes, seat-works, and exams all prove that he’s very much capable of handling everything they throw at him but he’s developing not-so-likable things especially when it comes to talking with others.

When I think about all these things, I can’t help but feel like we’ve made a bad decision. But then again, everything seemed to be handed down to us when we made the call – the sudden application, the unbelievably fast approval, the unexpected interview, and all the other little details that mysteriously made sense. Right now, all we can think of is that all the pains and difficulties are also part of a bigger plan. We may not be able to understand yet exactly what the whole plan is, but we’ve gone this far by trusting His signs. So there’s no point holding back now.

When I was little, we had very little variation when it comes to choices of snacks and treats. There’s the familiar brownie, choco fudge, chiffon cake, or sometimes even rice meals. For treats, we had chocolate nuggets, jelly, chocolate gold coins, and when possible, ice cream.

Nowadays, people choose from a number of flavors of instant noodles. In fact, when I went to the hypermarket earlier, there were several shelves that were dedicated for instant stuff alone.

I told myself we’d never reach that point when we don’t have any other option for mateo or anika’s snacks. Never mind if they’re forced to take on rice meals, so long as they don’t depend exclusively on instant noodles.

After a long time, I’ve gotten a chance to do the grocery myself. Earlier, andrea told me to buy some stuff already from the market because we’re running out of things to cook and eat in the house. I figured it would be faster to go alone so we agreed to put mateo to sleep while I went to do the groceries in SM Fairview.

At 12, I headed to the Hypermarket section. It wasn’t my first time doing this. I used to buy stuff alone in Shopwise while andrea and mateo waited for me at home. That’s why I was surprised to find myself estranged with the whole activity. Then, I realized  something.

It wasn’t because I don’t shop regularly by myself. It was because I’ve been with my family everyday for the whole day since we moved back here to Novaliches. It was the feeling of not having them by my side that’s making doing groceries strangely unfamiliar.

I’m not just a home buddy. I’m a full time stay-at-home father and husband.

It takes a baby to remind you of how precious time is.

You see, before anika was born, I would usually sleep at around 1 or 2 am because i’d be finishing some articles for submission. It’s not really much of a hassle though because I get to watch some video streams of my favorite anime shows in between articles or during breaks when I need to clear my head for the next composition. Also, I get to sleep after mateo goes to school or when he takes his afternoon nap.

Now, however, I stay up until 3 AM or when anika decides to sleep. Sometimes, she stays awake from 1 AM to 3AM. Sometimes, she wakes up every hour from 11 pm onwards. No, I’m not the one who feeds her. I’m the one who burps her and hums her or rocks her to sleep. I step in after she gets breastfed or when andrea couldn’t feed her anymore. Then when andrea sleeps with anika, I resume writing articles.

So far, Andrea and I alternate writing, sleeping, and anika chores. But no matter how well we coordinate with each other, we just can’t seem to find enough time for everything. We currently lack sleep, lag in articles, and feel really tired.

When andrea was worrying about the bills during our last day in the hospital, I reminded her of what our colleague once said about babies - Each baby comes with his/her own baon. I told her anika comes with hers too, we just have to wait and look for it. It was a frail attempt to make her laugh but she showed a smile anyway.

Although I know he didn’t mean it literally, but it would have been a bit more comforting if indeed anika came out with a bullion of gold in hand, or a golden egg. Instead, she came with nothing but a deeper appreciation of life for us. She may not have been accompanied with money or treasure, but she came with a wealth of understanding for us. Because for the first time, we fully realized how difficult and miraculous deliveries are, and how fortunate we are to have both mama and baby alive and well.

Never mind about the money. I told andrea that we’ll be given means to get the help we lacked, and sure enough we did, in the form of people close to us. What’s truly important is that they’re all right – with painful surgery yes, but healthy nonetheless.

It’s been several months since I’ve been in a classroom. I miss the anxiety, expecting the unexpected, the witty exchange of jokes and hirits, and most of all, I miss the children. I miss the laughter and the youthful exuberance that comes from them.

Don’t get me wrong. I love mateo and we do share our moments of laughter and fun, but he’s a son to me before anything else. I do teach him sometimes but it still feels different. He listens to me and obeys me as a father and sometimes as a friend, but not as a teacher.

I miss being a teacher!

The MMDA is currently promoting electric PUVs by thinking about exempting the said vehicles in the number coding scheme… Well, I say it’s about time!

While the rest of the world is generously setting aside gold bars for research on other more efficient, and greener sources of energy, the Philippines is just starting to introduce the idea of electric vehicles for public commute.

We, who are gifted with sea breeze and land breeze from all directions, bathed in glorious sunlight the whole year, and  are still currently considered one of the greatest biological hotspots in the world, are just starting to consider greener solutions, when everyone else is already using them. Isn’t it just sad?

We are blessed with all the means to harness cleaner and safer energy from our environment. We have the wind, the water, the sunlight, and the brains to save our natural resources and to free ourselves from the dictates of oil and oil-producing countries. Yet, we choose to ignore all these and dwell instead on petty government and political issues, which we actually have no solution for. (Pardon the grave pessimism) Is that all we really want to do – spit on the faces of government officials and rally to the streets to oust elected officers?

Yes, we’ve proven to the whole world how strong we value our freedom and how much we are willing to give our lives to show that so-called love for country. But is that all we are now? a nation of people power? a political warmonger?

Take President Noynoy, for example. He’s so well-loved by the people for his supposedly transparency on all government spendings. He’s proudly flaunt his paycheck and meager salary to show just how little officials of the palace should be receiving. He orders the palace to limit menus to modest meals for social gatherings. He stops for red lights and refuses to use sirens to announce his presence. He even refuses to use the palace for his office and would rather use his own money to refurbish a place he can rent for the duration of his term. He’s a man who proposes and takes very particular and very specific strategies to get things done, but sadly on such a level only.

Why? Because so far, those are the only things I’ve seen from him. Those are the only things he’s shown. Yes, he has exposed some of the financial problems of the government (and of the country). He has also vowed to mercilessly pursue the culprits responsible for the wrongful spendings, but how much concern has he really shown in the country’s (in most western scientists’ opinion) greatest strength which is its unparalleled natural resources? Did he even ask the people in his street party to take care of their trash before they leave? Did you see how messy QC circle was after that memorable street party? Has he ever mentioned anything about the administration’s plans or desires to address pollution and trash problem? I’ve endured his first SONA and he didn’t even mention anything in passing.

We’ve been focusing on so many other things for such a long time that we’ve already forgotten what’s in front of us.

Once upon a time, in my Sibika class, the Philippines was identified as one of the world’s richest in terms of natural resources. When I was taking up Ecology (Bio 160) class, it was considered to be a better rival of Darwin’s Galapagos in terms of biodiversity. Now, how do you think should we define it?

Five days after anika’s grueling delivery, andrea is now feeling  the after effects of the operation. Her feet are swollen (a common side effect of epidural anesthetics) and her tummy wound hurts whenever she changes positions especially after staying in 1 position for a long time.

Yet, despite of all the pains and the changes, one of the first things she still adamantly craves for is losing weight. According to her, now that anika’s out, she has no more excuse to be fat. It’s been almost a week and she’s becoming impatient about losing all the weight she gained from the pregnancy with anika.

I told her to take it easy. Even if we do find a great weight loss product, she’ll still have to wait for her wounds to heal before she actually loses those extra pounds. Apparently, CS deliveries take far longer to recuperate than normal ones. Besides, I’d always love her no matter how she looks like. Even if she doesn’t go back to her usual slim self.

Looking back, I realize that we’ve been a very mobile family. When andrea and I got married, we rented a place in Taytay, ,a good 30-45 minute ride away from our parents. When we had mateo, we moved higher up to Antipolo, closer to our work place and mateo’s school. Now that we’re both out of work and waiting for our chance to go abroad, we’re back in andrea’s old home. Mateo’s only 3 and a half years old and yet he’s already called 3 houses home.

Now I wonder if owning an RV here would make better sense than doing all the moving that we did. However, the Philippines is not an RV-friendly country. Not only are the streets not suitable for such a vehicle, but no one would be brave enough to offer any motorhome insurance. In fact, people here only pay attention to car insurance after insanely destructive typhoons like last year’s Ondoy. Very few actually take care of their cars well enough to get them covered.

Don’t you just hate it whenever the car bugs down just when you’re all ready to leave? That’s exactly what happened this morning.

You see, we don’t use the Revo anymore for bringing mateo to school. Usually, we take a trike, drop him off, then walk home. This morning, however, was different. Since andrea’s mom (we call her mamu) and grandmother (nanay) are both going out, we decided to use the revo to provide transportation for all three – mateo, mamu, and nanay. The plan was to drop mateo off to school, bring nanay to the church (it’s her birthday today) and then bring mamu to the market (near the church). It was pretty convenient.

However, when we were all ready to go, I turned the key and nothing happened. No revolutions. No vibrations. Just clicks. The battery went dead.

So instead of trying to fix the problem there and then, we called for a trike, then the three went on their way. I then asked help from a neighbor and borrowed a battery to get the revo started. It roared back to life. I returned the battery, reinstalled the original one, then went around the subdivision hoping to get enough juice inside the cell. Unfortunately, it didn’t work.

When I tried restarting the thing again, the same irritating clicks happened again. Great! We’re not even done with our problems from the delivery and now this! I don’t have any 5th wheel warranty or any emergency savings left. And both andrea and anika are due for a post-op checkup later within the week.