With May looming ahead, I can’t help but feel anxious and stressed about starting work again. In fact, my stomach has been acting up and I’ve been feeling really acidic lately. I’ve got to stop worrying or I’ll be needing a wrinkle cream and a bag of antacids soon.

But honestly, I don’t want to start work yet because I’ve really enjoyed this vacation… so much so in fact, that I’ve gotten used to our late routine – 3 or 4 AM sleep, and 9 or 10 AM wakeup. My body has adjusted quite well to the change and I’m afraid it’s going to have a difficult time readjusting to early routine again.

Oh, I really hope summer vacation would last longer!

I’ve been feeling a little guilty lately about our baby (Anika). I can’t help but think that I’m giving her less than what I’ve given to mateo when he was still inside his mother’s tummy.

You see, when mateo was still inside, I used to talk to him a lot every night. We’d have our conversations even before he was born. With Anika, however, we only get to talk before sleeping. Our conversations are more or less limited to good mornings and good nights.

I don’t want to make excuses for myself, and I don’t want to use mateo as an excuse either. So I’ll just be making it up to you Anika.

I wonder how long would it take before I start feeling really old. Because at the moment, my mind refuses to accept that I just turned 29. I feel like I could still run and play like a 20 year old, and I’m hoping I still look like one.

As of the moment, I’m not bothered with hair loss for men yet. I still think my hair is okay despite some thinning around the crown. My eyesight is still good, well at least for my right eye. I don’t feel any pain in my joints yet although I’ve been having back spasms more frequently this past year than before.

Hey, wait a minute! I am feeling old already! Oh well, memory loss? Charge it to old age then! hehehe!

With less than a year to go now before I turn 30, I can’t help but wonder how far I’ve gone. Am I closer now to my dream of an independent family with a house and a car of our own? Or am still at square one?

Looking back at my 29 years, I’m really starting to feel the pressure of being the father of my own family now more than ever. As the years continue to move, my family keeps on growing and so do our needs. I’d like to think that I am capable of providing them with enough but it just does not seem that way.

So once again, I’m at a crossroad…

I’ve been here before once. Fortunately, people who are very special to me, were very instrumental in making andrea and I able to choose the easier path.

I find myself here again…

And I’ve been praying for signs this time. I need to find the right path on my own this time, whatever the consequence may be.

I just turned 29 last Saturday.

My morning started with a greeting and a song accompanied with a lighted cupcake from mateo. Afterwards, my parents came and brought some food.

For lunch, Andrea cooked a wonderful karekare, while her sister and her sister’s boyfriend bought roasted chicken.

There were no videokes or alcoholic beverages. We didn’t even have any guests. It was almost plain but it was great.

Perhaps, at 29, I’m a bit too old already because I was perfectly happy and satisfied with how simple the whole day was. I never felt the need to go out and drink. It never even occurred to me to invite people over, and yet it was great, or at least I felt that it was.

My family was there with me. Everyone was doing well. We were full with the food (that even lasted till the next day). Never mind if there were no click here fancy gifts, or lots of merriment, or even cake. I had what I wanted so I was happy. And my birthday could never be happier.

Women are naturally vain. I think that is something a lot of people would easily agree to. (Of course I’m not exactly saying that men are not, but let me focus on the issue at hand). I mean, they are more conscious of their figures, more affected by comments on appearances, and more focused when it comes to efforts in beautifying themselves. The billion dollar industry of cosmetics can attest to that.

Now before eyebrows start moving, let me just make it clear. Not all women are vain and not all men are carefree when it comes to grooming. The statement I made earlier is not at all a rule. It’s just that a lot more women exert more genuine effort in keeping themselves aesthetically pleasing than men. Take andrea and me for example.

She takes time looking for soaps, shampoos, and conditioners over the internet while I just simply make do with whatever stuff are available in the bathroom. She carefully applies lotion on her body after taking a bath. I simply dry with a towel and then go back to work. She and her sister schedule appointments for pedicure. I cut my own nails and leave just leave them be. She wants to wear kymaro body shapers and have liposuction. I just count my flabs and try playing basketball to keep them from sagging. I could go on and on and on.

This is not a complain. I’m just merely pointing out the difference between preferences when it comes to grooming. That’s why I’m saying men are generally more spontaneous than women. Women are more deliberate and purposeful than men when it comes to such things.

Last Thursday night, andrea’s mom (or mamu as mateo calls her), called to ask us to come with them on a vacation the following day. Of course it was all so sudden but then again it’s not an unwelcome idea.

So the following morning, we left the house at 4 in the morning and traveled to Katipunan where they agreed to pick us up. Afterwards, the rest of the trip seemed like photographs and bits and pieces of broken conversations because I fell in and out of sleep during the ride to Batangas.

It was around 10 in the morning when we got to the beach (which was surprisingly unoccupied by lots of people). We had an early lunch before spending the rest of the afternoon inside the room asleep. When we got around it was already 4 or 5. Everybody went swimming including the little kuya. Everybody took turns accompanying mateo and making sure he doesn’t get knocked down by the waves while wading in the water. It was relatively fun and the little boy was surprisingly enjoying himself.

After dinner, andrea and I tucked mateo into bed. When everybody else was asleep, we watched around 3-4 episodes of LOST till midnight. And that concluded our first day.

We didn’t plan to swim the next day, so mateo had to be accompanied by the others. I thought our last day would be a little boring since we had nothing else to do but sleep and then pack our things for the ride. However, at around 10 in the morning, dolphins appeared near the coast and started playing around the area where we were sitting. Andrea, mateo and I were so ecstatic to see the wild creatures out there that we couldn’t stop looking. It was an unexpected treat indeed because it was the first time for me to see dolphins in the wild.

Without meaning to, this whole unexpected vacation turned out to be a memorable experience. I sure hope we’d have many more like it.

It’s been a while since I last did a close inspection of my face. I did not really have a lot of time for doing so this past school year, which is probably why I was a little shocked to see that I’ve grown quite a few lines on my forehead already. I hate to admit it, but time is catching up really quick.

As a matter of fact, a few days before vacation ended, I was brutally reminded that I couldn’t run as fast and as long as I did some 10 years back. We were playing basketball, and I started running out of breath before the end of the first half. Can you imagine? I used to play basketball for almost the whole day every Saturday when we were in college. Now, I couldn’t even last a whole game without running out of gas? Pathetic right? But what can I do? Time moves on its own and it doesn’t wait for anyone.

The only thing I could do is to try and enjoy it as much as I can – to play while I could still run, to dance and bend while my joints still allow me to, to climb while I could still lift my own weight. But as fas as wrinkles are concerned, I’m thinking of just letting them be. I’m not really interested in treatments for wrinkles and I think wrinkles kinda make me look distinguished. So, for as long as they don’t bother me too much, I can live with a few for now.

It’s amazing how far people would go in order to be slimmer.

You see, when andrea was still working in Makati, she and her co-workers would go to the gym at least twice a week to work out for about an hour or two. They’d spend thousands of pesos for the twice-a-week burn and toning after work. And until now, some of our friends still do.

We, on the other hand, rely on jogging, playing basketball, swimming, or any form of physical game or chore in order to burn fat. Although we would like to take diet supplements like lipozene instead, we figured we’d save more with just doing chores than buying drugs. Also, even though lipozene reviews are really very persuasive, we don’t know if her pregnancy might be an issue for the supplement.

Other people regulate their diet, but I honestly don’t think that would work for us. We both enjoy eating and that’s something we both are not willing to give up.

I’ve just talked to my parents a while ago and have once again been reminded of the prospects of working abroad. No this is not the second time they’ve talked to me about trying my luck elsewhere. In fact, this particular topic always comes up whenever we talk about finances and business opportunities. It’s a bit frustrating and saddening at the same time.

You see, the thought of leaving has always crossed my mind, but I’ve never really gotten the heart for it. Yes, it is probably true that we can save a lot of money, a lot faster, if we worked abroad but that’s the only reason I’d have for going there. I’ve so much more reasons for staying.

For one, I don’t have any intentions of leaving my family behind. I don’t want to spend a month, a week, or even a day away from them. I want mateo and my daughter-to-be to grow up with a dad always present at their side. I want them to get to to know me and I want to get to know them too, see them grow up, watch them take their first diploma, help them walk their first steps, hear them say their words. After all, as a teacher, my primary responsibility is to be a witness to my students growth and development. It’s a little too ironic that I’d do that for other children but fail to do the same for my own kids.

Second, I want my kids to grow up recognizing our culture, and not being alien to their native ways. It is good to be able to understand others and their cultures but it is more important to have and recognize your own. I don’t want my kids growing up not knowing how to say po and opo, or calling their elders by their first names. I want them to be as every bit respectful and every bit Filipino as their grandparents, as their parents.

Third, when I started teaching here, I recognized the nobility and purpose of my job. If I’m going to help educate young people, I’d rather help educate the young people here of this country than those of another state. After all, i owe my education to this country so it’s only fair that I give back to the country as well.

I know it’s hard to be a teacher, especially in the Philippines, but it is the job that best suits my needs, my intentions, my heart. It doesn’t matter if I break my back working hard to give my family what it needs. I’d gladly do it, and I’d gladly do it here. I know my parents mean well, and I love them for that. I really do, but I choose to take this path because this is where my heart feels joy, even if my back aches. I know they would understand that.